theme song

We've had quite a number of 'theme' songs in this house -- some of them being, 'Your Christ, My hope' being at the top, others like - 'Spring up O well', 'the Son of God is in my spirit', Chih likes 'Lord You are Beloved' esp in the morning. Oh, don't forget 'Grace, grace' - the cowboy lullaby - and 'Even as He is' (the ones we learned from the saints from Mississippi).

But today, Chih asked me to play piano and she played guitar to our most current theme song and one I feel describes our life in Flat 11 Henley Prior perfectly. We're not always up to standard, but we're getting a taste of the kind of life described in this song. It was written at a College Training in 2006, and I'm realizing that so much of the ministry I've heard or read in the past is becoming real and even if we hear it all the time, as long as it's our experience, it's so fresh, new, and supplying. So here it is:

And day by day
And house to house
They continued, steadfastly
In one accord
Praising God
And having grace
And the Lord added together day by day.

1. Lord, I pray that I may receive my sight
And see Your deepest desire,
Make me so living and vital and active
Produce me as an overcomer.
Lord, lift up my eyes to see the vast dimensions
And gain the Christ as my experience.

2. Repent and confess that is my start
I say "Amen." to Your shining light,
Lord, I contact You directly
By coming to You repeatedly
I desire, to love, gain, pursue You,
Confession and repentance make me vital.

3. Lord, I am yearning for those, whose hearts
Are desperate and burning for You alone.
Choose my companions, I stand with Your will -
Draw me and we will run after You.
Lord, grant us to stand together in one spirit
And then grant us to strive with one soul.

What I'll Miss About Chih

(a) the refrain of 'Oh Lord Jesus, Oh Lord Jesus! I'm so sleeeeepy. I'm sooooooo tired! Good morning Lord Jesus.' in the morning followed occasionally by a brief spurt of guitar playing.
(b) her guitar playing and singing. sometimes she really likes fast songs and will randomly pick up the guitar, play a song at lightning fast speed, sing, and then bug me for another song.
(c) her pestering of me: (in a plaintive voice:) 'Phoebebe, I'm sooooo bored. Sing me a song. Stop looking at your 'cold computer'. Talk to me.'
(d) her random knowledge of popular American songs from the '70s.
(e) her down-to-earth practical advice.
(f) chih-isms.

Basically what I've appreciated about her is her affection for me. Even though I'm kind of cold and stiff sometimes and pretty much unaffectionate, she doesn't let it phase her. Instead, it seems like she takes pleasure in bothering me until she gets a reaction out of me. She's basically like a younger sister. And of course, though, when it comes down to it, we've been companions in the Lord. We can pray pretty easily together -- I can share my issues, she can share hers, and we'll pray and the Lord answers. It's been a privilege to see her grow and especially to have her as a companion for the past year and a half.

Psalm 126:3

I just got back from one of those massive Lord's Day lunches in Chinatown, where almost the entire meeting ends up at a Chinese restaurant after the meeting.

The funny thing is, today was really an Alpha-Omega day. (We've begun to talk in brother Chris terms: 'Beginning and End, Alpha and Omega, the First and the Last...') because:

1) The first time I went out for food with Chih was at this place called Misato, and we went there again today! And since I'm going home on Thursday, these will be the last days of our living together! It's been great living with Chih. Her spontaneity offsets my un-spontanetiness and she's super-practical whereas I'm not. Just more evidence of the Lord's best arrangement.

2) My first Lord's Table in District 4 was when I was visiting from Russia in 2006. Afterwards we went to Chinatown too and sat around at a table with the saints. This year, there were so many more saints, and everyone seems more connected and affectionate. And I was considering today at the meeting, I've seen the Lord going on here in Central London. The saints are becoming more constituted with the truth, the prophesying and the prayer at the Lord's Table are getting richer and more saints are coming into function. It's such a privilege to witness the Lord's move in Europe.

3) Today was Sonia's last Lord's Day in London because she's going home this week. I remember Sonia from years ago when she was a new one and came to study for one year at UCLA. She was a pattern then in contacting people, and continues to be one today. I'm so thankful she was here at LSE this year, and I'm thankful that she asked me to meet her friend Anna with her. Anna's originally from Russia, so I immediately connected with her because I always want to practice Russian with Russian people. Even though Sonia and I don't see each other that much in the week, everytime we come together, her fellowship is always so helpful and supplying. I'm realizing that the Lord is very sovereign in His placing of people in the Body. From LA to London, we've been in the church life together. I'll miss her portion, but I'm encouraged that I'm a member with her in the Body.

4) Since I'm leaving on Thursday to go home, this was kind of a day of 'goodbyes' for me too, since I won't be back until September probably, and the two couples - Sotaro and Gloria (Elena and Jonah) and Ti-chen and Cathy (William and Jennifer) - will have gone back by then. Their coming last August/Sept was another wonderful thing the Lord did. I remember, one of the first Lord's Days they were here, me, Chih, and another sister went with them and Mahek and Davina to Regents' Park and we had a picnic and we played with the kids. Their coming strengthened the church here, and was even an answer to one of my prayers. I kept feeling like I needed to learn Chinese and Cathy, one week while we were talking, offered to help me, since she was always at home and would welcome the diversion. And the amazing thing is - we were working on translating these documents that I and my parents got from Taiwan this winter, and the last time I saw her - we finished the hand-copied ones! This is even when I wasn't so faithful or diligent, but she would remind me and then I'd go. The Lord's timing is really so good. Also, I feel like it was the Lord bringing them both here this year because their kids needed each other and the children's meeting needed their children. These children really had a function in D4. There began to be a children's meeting coordination and now the meeting is being built up. Also, them having each other made them happy to come to the meeting. The Lord's arrangement really is sooooo good.

4) Last year, around this time, I was sad because I thought - everyone's leaving - the Battens, the Coxes, no full-time trainees, etc. - how are we supposed to go on? But the Lord really provided above all that we ask or think! We got so many good saints this year. Instead of going back, the Lord has really advanced! Hallelujah! Our God is always advancing. He never stops! And He continues to do great things for us! We are joyful!

a new leaf?

I've decided that I should study harder. Yesterday in class, my prof asked me a question and I completely blanked, turned red, and didn't answer the question. I guess I'm tired of this constant experience of feeling completely lost whenever I'm in any kind of seminar or talk. The refrain of: 'Why am I not understanding what they're saying?' is getting tiring. I don't think I'm truly that dumb, although I feel like it. I'm realizing that basically my problems are:
1) I don't spend enough concentrated time to do what I'm supposed to do. I've gotten through a Master's just by kind of winging it, but I wouldn't feel happy with myself if I kept escaping, and never really studied hard. The other thing is
2) Interest. But then, how many people are interested in what they do 8 hrs a day? It's basically hard work that determines how one does. Interest helps, and I suppose it'll come, the more one knows about a subject. And it's also related to
3) Confidence. The more I feel like I'm doing well, the more I'm motivated to do well. If I feel mediocre, then it's not fun to keep going. And also, as regards talking in class and sounding all intelligent - I may know some things, have some good ideas, but because of shyness or whatever, I don't express myself well. I suppose it's getting over it - not thinking that I'm dumb all the time - and just talking as much as I can.

Anyways, main thing is, I think this is an opportunity, one of the 'all things' the Lord uses to open us, for me to let the Lord into my academic life, to show me that I can't rely on my ability to do well in school since it's obviously running out, and that everything in my life has to be out from Him, through Him, and to Him. Thank You Lord for failures.

It's funny. I told 3 people about this blog, and after that, I no longer really wanted to post anymore. I suppose I feel freer to say what I want to say if I'm just saying it to myself - but then that totally defeats the purpose of a blog, unless I want to keep my thoughts to myself - but then, why would I write them down (other than for writing practice or 'catharsis')? Whatever. I'll just write.

Ok, so the original idea behind this blog was to remember good things that I've experienced while in London, and since Mar 22 (the last post), a lot has happened. Well, a lot of ordinary things but still pretty cool.

In no particular order:

1) London Conference. Brother Ed shared about being a serving one. Christ is the real serving One in us.

2) Chinese-speaking Conference. Christ as our replacement is the One continuing the book of Acts as we move one with Him, in Him, by Him, and through Him.

3) Saw my parents and Ler in Espana. Woohoo. 1st Barcelona - which (to me) is like Paris, but with better weather. I can understand how it's some people's favorite city. 2nd Sevilla - we were there for Semana Santa (which kind of deserves another post, but I'm too lazy), which was surreal because it was like this sunny, festive, family atmosphere, but all these people were dressed up in KKK-type outfits, with the pointed hoods and everything. There were different colors though - not just white. Red, green, purple - you name it. They also had these gaudy religiously-themed floats in the parades, which parades were reported on Spanish television much like the annual Rose Parade in Pasadena -- 1: This float, sponsored by the Rotary Club in Sevilla, shows Mary and Joseph sitting on thrones made of papier-mache, crushed violets, and rice. They really did a good job didn't they, Maria? ' (I didn't really understand the Spanish, but that's what it seemed like anyways.) Sarah bought a chocolate 'penitent' for her friends which was pretty funny.

Other than being stuck in the middle of Semana Santa processions in the middle of medieval Spanish towns, the vacation was pretty normal, relaxing, and good family bonding time (haha - seems weird to say it, but I guess it was).

Except, during that same week, my mom told me that Lao-yi was in the hospital. She had seemed to be doing ok with the Lou Gehrig's disease. She was still active, even though she couldn't cook anymore, and needed a wheelchair (I think). But she went for a check-up and the doctor said she should stay in the hospital. From that time, I think it was about 1 week and then she went to be with the Lord. This all happened rapidly, and I suppose that it was good for her that it was quick. I only regret that I couldn't say goodbye. I loved being with her and Lao-yi fu and my grandma. They had a wealth of experiences, and I always wished that my Chinese was better (even though we could still communicate pretty well since Lao-yi's English was pretty good) so that I could learn more from them. I appreciate her faithfulness to the Lord and the ministry, that the Lord had the preeminent place in her life, and that she passed that down to us. Without fail, I would see Lao-yi and Lao-yi fu at the trainings every 6 months and I appreciated them for it.

Well, there's more, but this is good for now.

chih and white people

(Last night)
Me: Does so-and-so meet?
Chih: Caucasian-ally.
Me (doing a double-take): What?...
Chih (looking up and laughing): Oh....I mean 'occasionally'.

(A few weeks ago)

Chih (to me and Marilyn): Sometimes people don't understand me.
Marilyn: Huh? White people don't understand you?
Me and Chih (laughing): I guess so...

(Mar's current Facebook status:)

'Marilyn Roth caucasionally misunderstands what Chih says and means.'

chih-isms

So I have a housemate named Chih. She's from Taiwan, really fun and cute. Partly because English isn't her first language and partly just because of her personality there are so many times when she says something and it's just really funny. She makes Marilyn (my roommate) and I laugh all the time. So I'm going to have a part of my blog dedicated to Chih-isms. Here are some of them that I can recall:

1) Chih's ghetto talk. She's been picking up on (mostly) North American slang ('it's all good', 'that's jacked up', etc.) so there'll be conversations like this:

Marilyn: Chih, let's go to KFC.
Chih: Word. (But she says it with this Chinese-British accent, so it sounds like 'Wohd'.)

2) The universal Chih response: 'Heh?'

3) Chih (in all seriousness): 'Earl Grey gives me bad dreams.'

4) Chih (to another housemate): 'Fee Ming, how to spell "retarded hand"?'

some of my favorite things

The ironic thing about living in this crowded city is that one of my favorite things is being able to walk/wander around in places where there are barely any people. It's probably because it's so crowded, it's nice to get a respite from all the people. And it's fun to meander in these twisty streets, partly because you're not sure where exactly you're going to end up. But you always stumble upon a nice park or green square with benches and daffodils and other flowers welcoming you to sit down and enjoy the quietness and pleasantness of it all.

So as I was walking around today, I thought about all these little things about my neighborhood that I'm thankful for. Yes, it's kind of ghetto and it's kind of rough around the edges, the people could be classier, the housing could look nicer, but still, I thought of some of its redeeming qualities:

1) the canal - it's hidden away, just a bit north of my flat, but such a nice surprise to discover it. One of the best things is walking along it on a sunny day, to see the sun shining on the water and it's even better if one of these old men with beards and captain hats who look like they stepped out of one of my children's books decide to drive their ship down the canal. (Btw, there are so many instances in this country and in Europe when I see someone and they are so quintessentially characters from my books or from those old-fashioned movies or like from Masterpiece Theatre...but the thing is, they're not putting it on -- it's just how they are without much effort. Completely different from America, where style always seemed to be consciously studied and reproduced. For example, some people just look 'professor-ish'. They have their tweed jackets, round-ish glasses, cardigan, and shirt, but the thing is, they don't mean to be like that consciously. It's not like they go to J.Crew to imitate a past style. They actually are it still. That's what I love about England. It's so historical and the people are too. Ok, that was a long tangent but back to the list.)

2) the little park near where we live: I used to think it was ugly, small, and dark, and wondered why the one ugly park in London was in my neighborhood, but then, someone decided to plant daffodils and these little vibrantly purple flowers all along the grass areas, and they've all started to blossom. Everytime I walk by, it makes me happy now.

3) chapel market: Also kind of ghetto, British-style - kind of like the beginning scenes of My Fair Lady, with sellers yelling about their goods with their Cockney accents - 'That'll be 2 quid, love' - but way less picturesque It's kind of dirty on the street, smells like fish near the fishmonger cart (btw: I always wonder what kind of people work there and how they and their loved ones handle them smelling like fish everyday.), and isn't that cheap. But I like how the Indian fruit/vegetable seller chose 3 nice plantains for me and how I can buy tulips and daffs for a few pounds. There is also the random Chinese food market. It's on a side street, across from a costume shop that rarely opens, and I can walk in and buy Pocky. I don't though, since I can't bring myself to buy over-priced Pocky, but that fact that it's there, along with Lee Kum Kee Oyster Sauce and Kokuho Rose Rice makes me feel that life is indeed possible here. Then, the posh-y Indian buffet for only 3 pound 50 (take-away) that only opens ~3 days a week. And then, there are those loud schoolgirls who flood out of the college at 3 pm and crowd the fried chicken/kebab place (only in London). Throw in a short, round, bald British guy selling CDs playing everything from ella & louis to gene autry to reggae, a tattoo parlor, a Jamaican Jerk restaurant, a couple posh bakeries, and a handful of electrical appliance and DIY (do-it-yourself) stores, and you get an idea of just how random and mixed-up life is here.

epiphany

I just realized that I actually have school spirit. It's taken a year and a half. I've usually spent more time comparing and complaining about it: how old it is, how small it is, how inefficient it is, etc. rather than appreciating it. Of course, I've always appreciated it academically -- I'm constantly learning from (and feeling totally inadequate compared to) the professors and grad students I'm around.

But then, yesteday, I noticed that there was a small bunch of flowers laid in the place where the penguin statue at LSE used to be. All that was left was its feet. At first I laughed, thinking it was a good prank, and then I was hit with a pang of guilt for laughing because it was gone and gone forever. That penguin had been there my whole first year, and everytime I walked by it, I was always slightly amused at how random it all was -- where it was placed, not quite directly across from a bronze elephant made around the same time (probably the 60s), and not quite in the center of campus (just in front of Waterstone's), and the absurdity of it being a penguin and an elephant, neither of which is our mascot (which is a beaver, btw). (This is a picture of it before the incident):





I made fun of it, but I liked it. It was comforting to see it. It made LSE -- super-academic , busy, full of ambitious people rushing around, anxious about their futures -- more accessible. It was fun to have a random penguin there in front of the bookstore, showing that we don't need to take ourselves so seriously. There are things in life that one can enjoy apart from books and intellectual conversations -- like a penguin statue.

So I'm sad that it's gone, and probably forever. I hope they replace it with another one, although it had been a gift from someone.

I guess, somehow, I'm beginning to appreciate aspects of school and life in London. It's sad that I only notice them when they're gone.

Goodbye Penguin. You will be missed.

For the article and picture:
http://thebeaveronline.co.uk/2009/03/penguin-statue-wrenched-off-campus.html

beginnings

So I've been thinking about starting a blog for awhile now. Kind of like Sharon -- 'all my cousins are doing it' -- and plus I find them interesting to read. But even more, there are all these moments in life that are so good - happy, funny, important, or none of the above but still good --that I tend to forget since I'm really bad at remembering things that happen in my own life. So in an attempt to capture some of these fleeting moments and put them in a safe place, I'm starting this blog, with hopes that I will continue writing in it somewhat consistently, unlike the half dozen diaries or so that I've begun pretty much since I was like 8 yrs old.

Other reasons why I'm writing a blog:
1) I'm partially inspired by all these personal papers I've been reading for my research -- Churchill's letters, the Foreign Secretary's letters to his sisters, the other Cabinet Minister's diaries, etc. It's important to keep a record, I've realized. Of course, it's much more important when you're high-up in politics, but still, I think this is one of the things I can learn from.

2) Diversion. Basically I need something to do to distract myself from my research. So I guess I'll write more the more boring my work is.

Btw, the picture above is from London, St James' Park. I guess it fits with the theme, Phoebe in London, for lack of quintessential London pictures of Big Ben, Parliament, Red Buses, etc.

Ok, we'll see how this goes...