I've decided that I should study harder. Yesterday in class, my prof asked me a question and I completely blanked, turned red, and didn't answer the question. I guess I'm tired of this constant experience of feeling completely lost whenever I'm in any kind of seminar or talk. The refrain of: 'Why am I not understanding what they're saying?' is getting tiring. I don't think I'm truly that dumb, although I feel like it. I'm realizing that basically my problems are:
1) I don't spend enough concentrated time to do what I'm supposed to do. I've gotten through a Master's just by kind of winging it, but I wouldn't feel happy with myself if I kept escaping, and never really studied hard. The other thing is
2) Interest. But then, how many people are interested in what they do 8 hrs a day? It's basically hard work that determines how one does. Interest helps, and I suppose it'll come, the more one knows about a subject. And it's also related to
3) Confidence. The more I feel like I'm doing well, the more I'm motivated to do well. If I feel mediocre, then it's not fun to keep going. And also, as regards talking in class and sounding all intelligent - I may know some things, have some good ideas, but because of shyness or whatever, I don't express myself well. I suppose it's getting over it - not thinking that I'm dumb all the time - and just talking as much as I can.
Anyways, main thing is, I think this is an opportunity, one of the 'all things' the Lord uses to open us, for me to let the Lord into my academic life, to show me that I can't rely on my ability to do well in school since it's obviously running out, and that everything in my life has to be out from Him, through Him, and to Him. Thank You Lord for failures.
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
It's funny. I told 3 people about this blog, and after that, I no longer really wanted to post anymore. I suppose I feel freer to say what I want to say if I'm just saying it to myself - but then that totally defeats the purpose of a blog, unless I want to keep my thoughts to myself - but then, why would I write them down (other than for writing practice or 'catharsis')? Whatever. I'll just write.
Ok, so the original idea behind this blog was to remember good things that I've experienced while in London, and since Mar 22 (the last post), a lot has happened. Well, a lot of ordinary things but still pretty cool.
In no particular order:
1) London Conference. Brother Ed shared about being a serving one. Christ is the real serving One in us.
2) Chinese-speaking Conference. Christ as our replacement is the One continuing the book of Acts as we move one with Him, in Him, by Him, and through Him.
3) Saw my parents and Ler in Espana. Woohoo. 1st Barcelona - which (to me) is like Paris, but with better weather. I can understand how it's some people's favorite city. 2nd Sevilla - we were there for Semana Santa (which kind of deserves another post, but I'm too lazy), which was surreal because it was like this sunny, festive, family atmosphere, but all these people were dressed up in KKK-type outfits, with the pointed hoods and everything. There were different colors though - not just white. Red, green, purple - you name it. They also had these gaudy religiously-themed floats in the parades, which parades were reported on Spanish television much like the annual Rose Parade in Pasadena -- 1: This float, sponsored by the Rotary Club in Sevilla, shows Mary and Joseph sitting on thrones made of papier-mache, crushed violets, and rice. They really did a good job didn't they, Maria? ' (I didn't really understand the Spanish, but that's what it seemed like anyways.) Sarah bought a chocolate 'penitent' for her friends which was pretty funny.
Other than being stuck in the middle of Semana Santa processions in the middle of medieval Spanish towns, the vacation was pretty normal, relaxing, and good family bonding time (haha - seems weird to say it, but I guess it was).
Except, during that same week, my mom told me that Lao-yi was in the hospital. She had seemed to be doing ok with the Lou Gehrig's disease. She was still active, even though she couldn't cook anymore, and needed a wheelchair (I think). But she went for a check-up and the doctor said she should stay in the hospital. From that time, I think it was about 1 week and then she went to be with the Lord. This all happened rapidly, and I suppose that it was good for her that it was quick. I only regret that I couldn't say goodbye. I loved being with her and Lao-yi fu and my grandma. They had a wealth of experiences, and I always wished that my Chinese was better (even though we could still communicate pretty well since Lao-yi's English was pretty good) so that I could learn more from them. I appreciate her faithfulness to the Lord and the ministry, that the Lord had the preeminent place in her life, and that she passed that down to us. Without fail, I would see Lao-yi and Lao-yi fu at the trainings every 6 months and I appreciated them for it.
Well, there's more, but this is good for now.
Ok, so the original idea behind this blog was to remember good things that I've experienced while in London, and since Mar 22 (the last post), a lot has happened. Well, a lot of ordinary things but still pretty cool.
In no particular order:
1) London Conference. Brother Ed shared about being a serving one. Christ is the real serving One in us.
2) Chinese-speaking Conference. Christ as our replacement is the One continuing the book of Acts as we move one with Him, in Him, by Him, and through Him.
3) Saw my parents and Ler in Espana. Woohoo. 1st Barcelona - which (to me) is like Paris, but with better weather. I can understand how it's some people's favorite city. 2nd Sevilla - we were there for Semana Santa (which kind of deserves another post, but I'm too lazy), which was surreal because it was like this sunny, festive, family atmosphere, but all these people were dressed up in KKK-type outfits, with the pointed hoods and everything. There were different colors though - not just white. Red, green, purple - you name it. They also had these gaudy religiously-themed floats in the parades, which parades were reported on Spanish television much like the annual Rose Parade in Pasadena -- 1: This float, sponsored by the Rotary Club in Sevilla, shows Mary and Joseph sitting on thrones made of papier-mache, crushed violets, and rice. They really did a good job didn't they, Maria? ' (I didn't really understand the Spanish, but that's what it seemed like anyways.) Sarah bought a chocolate 'penitent' for her friends which was pretty funny.
Other than being stuck in the middle of Semana Santa processions in the middle of medieval Spanish towns, the vacation was pretty normal, relaxing, and good family bonding time (haha - seems weird to say it, but I guess it was).
Except, during that same week, my mom told me that Lao-yi was in the hospital. She had seemed to be doing ok with the Lou Gehrig's disease. She was still active, even though she couldn't cook anymore, and needed a wheelchair (I think). But she went for a check-up and the doctor said she should stay in the hospital. From that time, I think it was about 1 week and then she went to be with the Lord. This all happened rapidly, and I suppose that it was good for her that it was quick. I only regret that I couldn't say goodbye. I loved being with her and Lao-yi fu and my grandma. They had a wealth of experiences, and I always wished that my Chinese was better (even though we could still communicate pretty well since Lao-yi's English was pretty good) so that I could learn more from them. I appreciate her faithfulness to the Lord and the ministry, that the Lord had the preeminent place in her life, and that she passed that down to us. Without fail, I would see Lao-yi and Lao-yi fu at the trainings every 6 months and I appreciated them for it.
Well, there's more, but this is good for now.
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