T/Germination

Today was a significant day. One could call it a landmark or a milestone, but I think it's more aptly described with these two words -- termination and germination. Shen, Maggie and I read John 3 today where it talks about regeneration. Related to being born of 'water and the Spirit', we read that regeneration means the termination of the old creation with its deeds and germination of the new creation with the divine life in a footnote of the Recovery Version. I really liked it. As we were being reborn, two things went on -- termination and germination. Death and resurrection. 'Death and life they always go together'.

Along those lines, today was the day when Marilyn left England to go home to Canada (for good). After 4.5 years living in this flat, 4 with me, she's gone. And with her gone is the disappearance of not necessarily an 'era', but a stage in our lives -- the stage of my migrating as a young, single student, the stage of her entering into and making the church life her life. There were definitely milestones along the way--me getting married being the most important one for me. Her father passing away was a deeper and defining experience. Then there was daily life in Flat 11 -- Mar and Daich making jokes, telling funny stories, Chih coming along being Chih, the home meetings, the cooking, travelling together to Hackney, to Bola's, to the young people's meeting, to the conferences, to Bower, staying up too late talking, sleeping in/struggling to wake up, prayer times on the brown couches/settees, phone calls with Bola, meeting up with Loo See/Jing/Watts, singing... The list goes on. Life was always hard - or at least we always complained, but it really wasn't that bad. Actually it was a golden time, an enjoyable time and most of all a meaningful time because we had direction, we were directed, we knew what we were living for and we helped each other along. I'm just grateful that these fleeting, too-short moments will be forever remembered in our eternal Feast of the Tabernacles.

It's strange that all of it's gone like that. A normal walk to the Tube, a hug, a goodbye, a wave and that's it. It's not just a trip to Canada and she'll be back in a month. It's not just us leaving for 2 months for the summer. The flat is officially now no longer the 'sisters' house'. But it's not the end. Things have to end for there to be something new. And that's what's beautiful about the Christian life. After endurance, there is approvedness and after approvedness, there is hope. We got through -- 4 years of London. There could've been much more endurance, much more approvedness, but there is hope. I appreciate the past, but the path only becomes brighter and brighter. There will always be hope.

And it's funny. Today was also the day that I got back my final draft from my supervisor. It was printed out --I hadn't seen it yet and I was surprised at how big it was. It was like a book after all. My supervisor said that it was an 'impressive piece of work' or something like that. 'Really?', I thought. The moment was anti-climactic, to say the least. But walking home, I felt like something was lifted, at least partially. I was lighter, happier, thankful. I didn't think I really liked my dissertation that much, but like other ex-PhD students have said, I am already beginning to miss the people, the groups and the events I wrote about. So that was my personal milestone for today. I will be officially no longer a student -- after 27 years or so -- the vast majority of my life. Of course, it's normal enough. I wasn't a student for 2 years after the training and that was a great experience. I am married, we're both in our early 30s -- it's about time. To start? To end? I think of the hymn: 'Days may be coming fraught with loss and change' 'I thank Thee that no day can ever break,/Savior when Thou wilt leave me or forsake'. I suppose with school, with my job, my future work, I'm not nearly as hopeful as I am about my Christian life. In fact, I face it with foreboding and hesitation. I'd rather hide in the books and be told what to do. What was it though? The hymn that we sang around the time I was about to leave Los Angeles. It was at the Wises' and I think Sister Bonnie shared this with me - 'Faith knows naught of dark tomorrow/For her Savior goes before'. Praise the Lord -- night turns to day, termination implies germination, death to resurrection and ends become beginnings.